Why does Dr Google always diagnose meningitis or a brain tumour?

Dr Google is a bit of a t**t. Picture the scene, it’s the middle of the night, your child has a fever of 40 or above. You’ve been up and down all night like a fiddlers elbow tending to them, dosing them up with Calpol, administering cold flannels and medicinal mummy cuddles.

You kind of know deep down in your rational brain that it will pass – unless it’s your first baby and their first fever, in which case you are convinced they will die any minute – but nevertheless you decide to do a Dr Google search anyway.

Now, you know Dr Google is a bit of a dramatic old doodad.

He loves nothing better than to stir things up and cause a bit of hysteria, yet still you squint at your smartphone in the darkness and type – ‘child with a temperature of 40’ into the search bar and you hit return.

Dr Google sits back in his huge reclining office chair. He man spreads his spindly cyber legs and peers over his round, double ‘O’, multi coloured glasses. He shakes his head and tuts.

‘Sorry to break this to you my dear.’ says Dr Google in his thick, nasal, Yanky accent – he’s a condescending little know it all (literally) – ‘But it’s meningitis.’

And there we have it, Dr Google has diagnosed death once again.

Dr Google doesn’t administer cuddles or sweet, sticky medicines – no my loves – he always prescribes a very heavy dose of fear and panic.

For me and my family, Dr Google has diagnosed – brain tumours, MRSA, early onset osteoarthritis, every type of Cancer from bowel to breast and most recently metatarsalgia (pain in the ball of my foot…ok this one may actually be accurate but still).

Will Dr Google drive you into an early grave? Probably, because truth be told he’s a bit of an old melodramatic Mandy. So my advice is don’t do it. Next time you or your kid falls ill DO NOT consult Dr Google. DO NOT seek his advice or book an appointment with him, because guess what?

He didn’t even go to med school. And I don’t know about Dr Google diagnosing cancer, but he definitely slaps you round the chops with a big dose of anxiety that’s for sure!

**Disclaimer – If you or your kid is sick seek advice from a real doctor or the NHS… Obvs**

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