‘Mummy, why is Theresa May always talking about breadsticks?’

By Magi aged 5 ½

Theresa May is the boss of our country. My Mummy says she is a bit like my headmaster because she makes all the rules. Donald Trump is the boss of America. His name is funny, because ‘trump’ means fart in our house, so I think he eats lots of beans and smells of poo.

Theresa May is on the news a lot. She likes to talk about breadsticks. I like breadsticks. I like to dip them in hummus. I wonder if Theresa May likes hummus?

Theresa May wants to get a ‘deal’ on her breadsticks. I think that is a good idea. My Mummy likes to get a good deal too. She is always happy when she gets a good deal in Asda on the – ‘whoops!’

Theresa May wants soft breadsticks. I don’t like soft breadsticks. I think maybe her Mummy has left the box open and that’s why they have gone soft.

Theresa May does not like hard breadsticks. I do. My Mummy says if you keep them in a tupperware box, breadsticks stay crunchy.

Theresa May says people voted for breadsticks, and so that’s what they should get. But my Mummy and Daddy said they didn’t vote for breadsticks. I think this is because they like to eat Doritos. If I was allowed to vote I would vote for Pom Bears. They are my favourite.

My Nanny and Bamps said they are big fans of breadsticks. They are looking forward to going back to the olden days when the Queen owned Australia and India and most of the world. I thought going back in time was only a thing that Dr Who could do on the telly? I don’t want to go back in time, because I really like Netflix and iPads and I do not want to go to school in a horse and cart.

Theresa May met with an old man called Jeremy Coal-Bin the other day to talk about breadsticks. Jeremy Coal-Bin does not like going to the same parties as Theresa May. I don’t know why.

On the telly none of the old people in the House with Columns can agree about what type of breadsticks they want. Sometimes me and my sister fight in Lidl because she likes the long breadsticks but I want the mini ones.

All the old people that are talking about breadsticks in the House with Columns are arguing and shouting and not being kind. I think they all need to go and sit on the ‘naughty step’ and think about how they can be nicer.

I think if they carry on being silly about breadsticks they should have an iPad ban for three days, and should all go to bed without story time for one whole week. When I argue with my sister my Mummy says we need to ‘compromise’. This means sometimes I have to back down and not be so stubborn. It means meeting somewhere in the middle.

I am fed up of hearing about breadsticks every day and so is everyone else. Talking about breadsticks all the time is boring.

Magi aged 5 ½ from Cardiff


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