The irony of motherhood…

On the one hand…

My children made me who I am today. Before becoming a mother I was nothing. An empty vessel sailing on an unfulfilling sea.

But on the other…

My children have totally robbed me of my identity.

On the one hand…

My children saved my life. Before them it was all so meaningless.

But on the other…

Why have my children ruined my life? I used to be hot. And go to parties. And get my hair done. And have morning sex.

On the one hand…

I hate my big, floppy, flabby belly.

But on the other…

I love and respect that I created and carried my babies in this amazing miracle of a body.

On the one hand…

I resent the fact that my children stop me from being able to go out and have a social life.

But on the other…

Thank Christ for that. I couldn’t think of anything worse that going out. I’m too tired, and there’s so much good stuff on Netflix.

On the one hand…

My children are a blessing. They are beautiful, cute and adorable.

But on the other…

My kids are dicks. Why won’t they stop fighting? And moaning that they’re bored. They’re big, gross balls of snot and sticky mess. And they stink of farts.

On the one hand…

My kids are so funny and amusing.

But on the other…

They’re so annoying. If she asks me to watch her floss one more time I’m going to stick my head in the oven and scream.

On the one hand…

I hate being away from my kids.

But on the other…

I wonder if a seven day yoga retreat in Goa would be acceptable?

On the one hand…

I love Christmas since having kids.

But on the other…

Christmas…ugh…kill me now. They’re so materialistic, and they get up so bloody early. And why does that fat belled, Santa always get all the credit?

On the one hand…

Family meal times around the table are a joy.  

But on the other…

If that prick refuses to eat my home cooked shepherd’s pie – that took two hours to prepare – I’m going to repeatedly slam my head on the table and cry.

On the one hand…

I miss my kids so much when they’re in school.

But on the other…

Is it nearly bedtime?

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1 thought on “The irony of motherhood…

  1. Now you know how your mother felt. But she never ever ever resented one single second she spent with you children……honest.

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